


It's Just A Lot

by xanavici



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Love Letters, M/M, Secret Admirer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-28
Updated: 2019-03-28
Packaged: 2019-12-25 15:36:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18264278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xanavici/pseuds/xanavici
Summary: Jesse finally wakes up, and Hanzo has something to tell him.Sequel to my Secret Admirer fic from Peapod McHanzo Week





	It's Just A Lot

**Author's Note:**

> Sequel to my Secret Adimer fic from Peadpod McHanzo Week which you can find [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17281106/chapters/40712276) (probably won't make sense without reading that first, but don't worry, it's not too long)
> 
> This fic was written as thanks for 200 followers on Twitter! Thank you so much, all of you, for listening to my rambling and being so patience with my writing while I'm busy with real life <3

Jesse wakes up with gasp, then a groan, then a raspy curse.  His head hurts, his chest hurts, his toes hurt, and he has no idea why.  A deep, calming breath seems like the best way to go until it isn’t. Fire lances through his chest and makes him choke on the air in his lungs.  

_ Ow. _

He tries again, but this time with shallower breaths until the pain dulls back down to a more manageable level.  All the energy feels zapped from his body and it takes way too much effort to just open his eyes; luckily he recognizes the med bay immediately, which provides a small comfort.  With another exertion of herculean effort, he lifts his right hand and begins feeling around for the remote he knows should be there. He eventually finds it and only fumbles it once before pressing the button and letting his hand drop back down onto the bed.

A few minutes later Angela comings running into the medbay with a smile on her face.

“Jesse!”  Her professional decorum falls away for a second as she runs up and hugs him, or tries to as best she can with him still laying down with no energy to reciprocate.

“Hey Ang.”  Jesse’s voice is still raspy, barely louder than a whisper.  Angela’s professionalism comes back in an instant and she grabs him a cup of water to sip out of.  “Much obliged,” he says once he finishes it off.

“You had all of us so worried, Jesse.  Five days. Five days it took you to wake up!  I want to be mad at you for not running away from that bomb as fast as possible but honestly I am too relieved to be mad right now.”

“Bomb?  Sorry Ang, but my memories are a little scattered right now.  What bomb?”

“That’s quite alright and normal considering the trauma your body experienced.  During your mission to Cairo, you and Hanzo were clearing a flanking route when you two encountered the device.”

The memories flood back in and fill the gaps in his mind, and with them comes the memory of exactly why he was so injured.

_ Hanzo! _

Jesse attempts to sit up much to Angela’s dismay but doesn’t get very far before falling back down in pain and exhaustion.  “Hanzo! Is he okay? I tried to push him out of the way but- I don’t-”

“Jesse, Hanzo is just fine.  According to his mission report you managed to push him behind some cover right before it went off.  He only suffered a few deep cuts and bruises.” Angela waits for Jesse to calm down and relax again before continuing.  “You on the other hand suffered shrapnel to your torso and right thigh and a concussion. That’s what had us the most worried, your concussion.  After you passed out on the flight back, there was no way for me to tell what type of brain damage you might have suffered.”

“Well, I can remember my own name so that must be a good sign.”

“It is, but I still need to run some tests over the next couple days to make sure.”  Jesse groans and grimaces. “Do not give me that Jesse Emmanuel McCree! When you get blown up by a bomb I get to run whatever tests I want to,” Angela says with a glare that would have made even the omnics of the Crisis surrender.

“I’m sorry, yer right.  Tests it is,” Jesse tries to say with a placating smile, but everything is starting to radiate pain and discomfort.

Angela nods her head in satisfaction and brings up something on her tablet.  “Now, you’re due for your next round of painkillers any moment now. Get some rest and next time you wake up we’ll see if you are up for visitors.”

“I’m tired of restin’,” Jesse whines, but with almost perfect timing one of the machines next to him clicks on and the ice cold drugs that enter his veins immediately makes him drowsy.  Angela smiles and pats his shoulder then turns out the lights as she walks out. Jesse’s asleep again before the door’s completely shut.

The next time he wakes up he feels marginally better and he’s surprised with the sight of Fareeha sitting next to him typing out a message on her comm.

“Hey there, rocket queen.”

Fareeha looks up and smiles.  “Hey yourself, vaquero. Glad to see you’re okay.”

“What?  No yelling or snark?  Who are you and what have you done to my little sister?”

Fareeha laughs and turns her chair so she’s facing Jesse.  “That’ll come later when I am sure you will be fine. So, how are you feeling?”

“Like I got blown halfway to heaven… or hell… not sure which one I get to go to.”  Fareeha smacks him on the shoulder and he grunts in pain before laughing.

“Well if you’re feeling good enough to make jokes that must mean you’re feeling good enough for visitors?”

“Yea, just help me sit up a bit more first.”  

Fareeha helps Jesse readjust and once he’s comfortable she lets Athena know it’s okay to start sending people in.

It’s a steady stream of happy smiles and ‘get well soons’ after that.  Brigitte brings a beautiful arrangement of flowers to leave on the table next to him, Mei brings a fresh batch of cupcakes.  Genji attempts to palm him a package of cigars but Angela sees and snatches them up before Jesse can even check what brand they are.  Despite the crowd of people packed into a room they definitely shouldn’t all be in at once, Jesse notices one specific person is missing.  He knows Angela told him that Hanzo was already deemed okay, but it still makes him uneasy and just a little worried.

Morrison is the first to bug off, something about wanting to write new training programs, Winston soon after him wanting to get back to his lab, then Zarya needing to get back to her work out.  The team slowly filters out until all who’s left is Genji, Fareeha, and a pack of cards Genji pulled out from somewhere. Though, even in his current state, no one wants to play poker against Jesse, so they resort to go-fish.  They’re on their third round when Jesse finally spots Hanzo loitering in the doorway.

“Hey there, darlin’.  Ain’t you a sight for sore eyes,” Jesse says before Hanzo can disappear to wherever he was before - _ though cool it on the flirting Jesse, he’s not supposed to know about your sad pining. _

“Hello, Jesse,” Hanzo says, finally walking into the room with a small smile and a small box tucked under his arm.  For a moment Jesse thinks he actually has died and gone to heaven, because that’s Hanzo in a tight fitting v-neck henley with his hair down and pulled to one side.

_ For fucks sake cool it Jesse before Angela wonders why the heart monitor is going haywire! _

Hanzo shares a look with Genji and before Jesse can begin to try to decode that special brand of sibling speak Genji is standing up and saying, “Fareeha would you help me with something?  In the kitchen?”

It’s not at all subtle, but no one seems to care as Fareeha gets up anyways with a promise of coming back tomorrow and Genji shoots him some finger guns as they walk out.  Hanzo takes Genji’s old seat and tucks his hair behind his ear in a way that’s just too cute.

“How are you feeling?”

“Been better, but I’ve also been worse.  How’re you doin’?”

“I… I am doing better.”

“Better?  I though Angie said you only got a little banged up.”

“Yes, my injuries were minor and they healed fine.  What I mean is that I did not handle the severity of your injuries well at first.”

That takes Jesse by surprise.  Hanzo Shimada outright admitting that he was not okay and all because a teammate was hurt.  For a second Jesse thinks he’s still asleep, dreaming about a world where neither him nor Hanzo are as emotionally stunted as they really are.

“It made me realise a few things,” Hanzo barrels on, clenching his hands and not looking at Jesse.  “About myself, and about you, and that there are some things that need to be said.” He wears a serious look on his face, one eerily similar to the one he wears on the battlefield which does not make Jesse’s nerves rest easy.  “I-... You..” Hanzo starts and stops a couple times and frowns. He finally takes a deep breath and reaches down to pick up the box he walked in with. Up close Jesse recognizes it immediately.

It’s his box.  The one he hides up in the top of his closet so no one can find it.  Especially Hanzo.

“Where did you get that?”  Jesse’s voice is low and sharp.  He doesn’t mean to sound angry or defensive but this wasn’t how Hanzo was supposed to find out.  Really he was never supposed to find out; Jesse planned on keeping his sad pining locked away for forever, but on the nights where he indulged the fantasy he imagined moonlit walks on the beach and surprise candle-lit dinners and intense confessions after a hard fought battle, not Hanzo finding those stupid letters while he was busy dying in the medbay.

“Like I said, I did not handle the severity of your injuries well.  I went to your room to find your whiskey and get blindingly drunk, but I accidentally found this as well.”

“And you opened it.”

Hanzo nervously combs a hand through his hair and looks at the far wall.  “It opened when it fell down, but to answer your next question, yes, I read what was inside.” 

Jesse stares up at the ceiling and doesn’t know whether to be angry that Hanzo went through his things (unintentional or not), or relieved that it’s out in the open and he doesn’t have to hide any more, or scared that now that Hanzo not going to feel the same way and he’s going to start avoiding Jesse.

Hanzo pulls a folded up piece of paper out of his pocket and starts playing with it.  “Jesse I need you to know that I--” He suddenly cuts off and Jesse looks over to see Angela walking in.  

“I’m sorry Hanzo but it’s time for you to leave.  I need to get Jesse under the bio-emitter to keep his healing on track.”

Hanzo looks like he’s going to protest for a second, but then thinks better of it.  Instead he stands up, places the box on the table next to the bed and places the note on top of it.  He gives Jesse one last meaningful, almost pleading, look, then leaves.

Though Jesse only had temporary flings back in Blackwatch, he knew plenty of people who had something more serious.  He also knew a handful of people who got surprised with a Dear John letter. It gutted every single one of them and after watching too many people get their hearts broken, Jesse was glad he never got into a serious relationship.

But wait, can Hanzo’s note even be a Dear John letter if they were never together in the first place?  Or is it just the sentiment that matters?

“I can see you overthinking things already,” Angela suddenly says as she sets up the emitter.

“I ain’t overthinkin’ anything, just harborin’ a healthy amount of trepidation.”

“Oh, Really?”

“Yes, really.  You know how Han can be, never know what he’s thinkin’.”

“Normally yes, but I believe he was being pretty clear right there.” Angela finishes messing with the settings and turns on the field.  “Also, I don’t know how else to interpret him trying to follow you into the medbay to stay by your side and then standing vigil outside for hours until Genji forced him to clean up and get some food.”

Jesse looks up at Angela with surprise and she looks back with a slightly smug, slightly annoyed look before returning back to her office.

The note taunts him during the whole round with the bio-emitter.  What Angela described really couldn’t be interpreted any other way --unless Hanzo was waiting to kill him, but that hasn’t been a likely possibility for almost a year now-- but he still can’t work up the courage to read it.  

Can literally jump in front of a bomb but can’t read a letter from his crush.  How does that make any sense?

Angela returns briefly when his time under the bio-emitter is up and rolls her eyes when she sees the note untouched.  She’s probably thinking the same thing.

Jesse attempts to distract himself by playing a couple rounds of solitaire with the deck of cards that got left behind but his gaze keeps getting pulled back to the note and he sighs.  He at least owes Hanzo the respect of reading it, no matter what it says.

He takes a deep breath and wills his hands not to shake as he opens it.

 

_ Jesse, _

_ When I was on that mission in Hollywood a couple months ago, I had a nice enough time with my brother, Brigitte, and Zarya.  But the whole time I found myself wishing you were there with me. I wished we could have walked down the streets with your arm around my shoulders as you told me stories about whatever past escapades you most certainly had in the city.  I wished we could have caught a movie at the Mandarin Theater then found the most unhealthy, but best tasting burger in the city. The picture you sent me from your own mission only made me want that even more when I saw you in that suit.  The way it hugged your body made you look divine and the blue accents looked perfect on you --though, I might be biased there as well.  _

_ I meant to tell you how I felt about you as soon as I saw you next, but, I admit, I was a coward.  I did not want to risk the friendship we had built and I did not think I deserved someone like you in the first place.  I still do not think I deserve you, but someone once told me that if we all got what we deserved then we’d all be dead. Faced with the reality of you actually dying I found myself selfishly wishing for just one more chance, promising myself that I would not waste it.  Someone also asked me what the point of life was if we did not get to be a little selfish sometimes. He is a very smart man for giving me this wisdom and I hope I get the chance to tell him that soon. _

 

The letter is unsigned, just like Jesse’s were, but just like those, there is no way to misinterpret who wrote it.

Jesse doesn’t even realise he’s smiling until his cheeks start to hurt, and even then it’s hard to stop.

“Athena?”

_ “Yes Agent McCree?” _

“Next time Angie comes ‘round, can you ask her to bring a pen an’ paper for me?”

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on tumblr at cryptidhanzoshimada  
> Find me on twitter @xanavici
> 
> Thanks for reading (ɔˆзˆ)ノ～ ♡


End file.
